February 2012
16 posts
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jewahl:
Bob Dylan’s answering machine message,...
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Goodwin forced to strip; knighthood removed
nudestatesman:
Former Royal Bank of Scotland chief Fred Goodwin has had his knighthood revoked by a committee of top civil servants, The Nude Statesmanhas learned today.
Nicknamed ‘The Shred’ to due an embarrassing incident in 2002 involving an electronic office device and his penis, Goodwin steered RBS into meltdown with the systematic malpractice of gambling with bank’s investments and...
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January 2012
42 posts
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My girlfriend and I wanted to hold a party for contented spiritualists, but every single one we contacted was either absolutely ecstatic or completely depressed.
We couldn’t find a happy medium.
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Conservatives' poll soar due to nation's fall in...
nudestatesman:
The recent boost to the Conservative Party’s ratings has occurred due to working and lower middle class families being unable to afford newspapers, The Nude Statesman can exclusively reveal.
With many families struggling to meet the rising cost of living during the recession, luxury, newsgiving items such as daily papers and TV subscriptions are being eschewed in favour of...
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Government blocks Pinewood expansion →
Last week, David Cameron said that the British film industry should aim to create more mainstream films; this week, the government rejects Pinewood’s proposal to build a £200m set of studios designed to rival Hollywood.
Go on, build your royal yacht. Then feel free to shove it up your fat arses, you set of regressive, confusing, artisically suffocating, laissez-faire, Thatcherite twats.
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“What’s hideous about the public discussion about [this] ladies’ area...”
– Jeremy Hardy discussing faulty breast implants - The News Quiz, 6/1/12
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“I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you...”
– Barry Cryer
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Terrible Business Venture:
‘I Love Shallots’/’I Loves Ya Lots’
A shrewd move by the makers of Love Hearts, who wanted to push their ‘sentimental-message-on-food’ idea into a healthier realm. Turning to the onion’s younger sibling the shallot, the company devised a way of printing their saccharine quips into the vegetable’s very fibre, much like the writing found in a stick of Blackpool rock....
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