December 2011
62 posts
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Petition to have Thatcher's state funeral... →
“In keeping with the great lady’s legacy, Margaret Thatcher’s state funeral should be funded and managed by the private sector to offer the best value and choice for end users and other stakeholders.”
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Phone conversation transcript
gregharrington:
Operator: Which emergency service do you require? Fire, ambulance or police?
Man: All three; I’ve just set a burglar’s face on fire.
Terrible Business Venture:
gregharrington:
I Love Shallots/I Loves Ya Lots
A shrewd move by the makers of Love Hearts, who wanted to push their ‘sentimental-message-on-food’ idea into a healthier realm. Turning to the onion’s younger sibling the shallot, the company devised a way of printing their saccharine quips into the vegetable’s very fibre, much like the writing found in a stick of Blackpool rock. Due to the...
Wouldn't it be great if there was a TV detective
gregharrington:
whose affectation was carrying around an open tin of tuna?
Imagine all the hilarious japes he would have with the tin. Not to mention all of the crimes that would be solved, just due to the tuna’s presence.
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Awful film idea:
gregharrington:
‘School of Rock’
Dewey Finn (Jack Black) masquerades as a substitute teacher at a prestigious prep school, and covertly begins teaching his newfound pupils a subversive curriculum of ONE HUNDRED PER CENT GEOLOGY.
Black’s comedy reaches new pinnacles as he discusses Paleozoic tectonic activity with the children, who are quickly transformed from refined, middle-class darlings...
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Some ideas for TV programmes
gregharrington:
Telekinesis Street
Sitcom about a neighbourhood whose residents possess parapsychological powers.
Potential storylines include loveable fool Martin accidentally making a staircase fall up himself, a romance blossoming between Tony and Martha after Martha’s underwear ‘accidentally’ falls off, and a resident recently outed as a paedophile being conveniently floated away to...
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Sarkozy to wear the 'anti-burka'
nudestatesman:
The centre-right French government today passed a new law that effectively bans the wearing of the burka, a full-length veil sometimes worn by muslim women.
In order to demonstrate how committed his party is to its actions, prime minister Nicolas Sarkozy also announced that he would be wearing the ‘anti-burka’ for an indefinite period of time.
The garment - a rectangular strip...
Watchgregharrington:
The Driving Test
Yep, I am an idiot.
Look at my squinty eyes at the end!
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Awful TV idea
gregharrington:
‘Logie Baird’
Hanna-Barbera cartoon about a Scottish scientist living in a fictional American national park. He steals picnic baskets and produces the first working television, much to the annoyance of the park ranger.
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Terrible Business Venture
gregharrington:
Vic Reeves and The Vandellas
Behind bars and driven demented by the awful prison food, Motown mogul Phil Spector desperately tried to recreate his former glories by remotely reforming one of his legendary soul groups for a new album and tour. With Martha Reeves unavailable due to knitting commitments, gun-toting lunatic Spector chose her namesake Vic as her replacement, and...
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Awful TV show idea:
gregharrington:
Ghostbagsters
Touching, real-life documentary about people affected by the rare ‘spectrapaccis’ phenomenon; a debilitating syndrome whereby someone is haunted by the ghost of a former backpack.
This heart-wrenching 60 minute programme looks at three individual cases:
Darren, a 35 year old graphic artist from Leeds, who is plagued by the spectre of a once-loved satchel
Graphic...
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Watchgregharrington:
I wrote/directed this sketch about a troublesome sat nav system.
It contains the word ‘flannel’, you’ll be pleased to hear.
Some great book ideas:
gregharrington:
Stranded in Paradise
Novella focusing on the tragically slow and painful death of a beached whale. Ironically, the whale (unnamed) is the first of its species to have evolved air-breathing lungs, and its death is actually due to type one diabetes that had not been identified early enough by its GP. Gay subtext.
The Red Notebook
Detective fiction. Dan Quail is a private eye...
Terrible Business Venture
gregharrington:
‘C.H.E.R.N.O.B.Y.L. Beauty Products’
Mary Hummus’ near-faultless business plan could have seen her become the envy of Avon ladies the world over and had the potential to put her on a par with some of the planet’s leading cosmetics giants, had it not been for Hummus’ insistence that her line of groundbreaking beauty goods be named ‘C.H.E.R.N.O.B.Y.L.’
Believing it to be a...
Terrible Business Ventures and their Fates
gregharrington:
‘Paleoproterozoic Park’
Inspired by dinosaur blockbuster Jurassic Park, Martin Hinge set about creating a theme park in his back garden based around his favourite prehistoric era. Unfortunately, this period in time did not feature any of the aesthetically pleasing creatures re-imagined in the 1993 Spielberg classic, but was most significant for being the time when...
Anonymous asked: Just a quick question, why are you constantly reblogging yourself?
Terrible Business Venture
gregharrington:
The Taunton Crumpet Mine
Established by Ted Rake, who believed the hills immediately surrounding the banal but expansive Somerset town of Taunton were, in fact, laced with extremely valuable and rare bread snacks.
News of Rake’s suspicions were leaked to the national press and, in scenes similar to the 19th Century American ‘Gold Rush’, the Taunton ‘Crumpet Dash’ saw unskilled...
Britain's Worst Days Out
gregharrington:
The Dorchester Dust Museum
Who ever thought dust could be so fun?! The Dorchester Dust Museum boasts over 400 varieties of airborne particle, and even includes an exciting recreation of Arthur Askey’s bellybutton fluff!
The Barrow-in-Furness Drizzle Showcase
It’s raining lightly, hallelujah! Aside from exhibiting the finest precipitation the North West has to offer, the...
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Britain's Worst Days Out #2
gregharrington:
The Slough Smog Workshop
What do you get when you mix smoke and fog? That’s right - only the country’s most exciting gaseous tourist attraction!
The Shepton Mallett Hammer Archive
Home of the modern hammer, Stepton Mallett’s top hammer museum is dedicated to preserving the town’s proud tradition of clubbing small objects with larger, blunter ones. The Shepton Mallett Hammer...
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