Greg Harrington Shares Nothing of Value

nudestatesman:

The recent boost to the Conservative Party’s ratings has occurred due to working and lower middle class families being unable to afford newspapers, The Nude Statesman can exclusively reveal.

With many families struggling to meet the rising cost of living during the recession, luxury, newsgiving items such as daily papers and TV subscriptions are being eschewed in favour of dietary staples such as beans and lentils. Voters are now simply relying on word-of-mouth, mystical signs and billboards for their advice on political matters.

“I have literally no idea what is going on in British politics at the moment,” said Maurice Hubb, a 47 year-old office manager, who now dresses in a sack cloth with holes cut for his arms and legs, and survives on a diet of discarded office stationery and puddle water.

“I like the sound of this Cameron fellow, though. I wouldn’t know him from Adam, let alone know about any of his policies. But by crikey he’s got a good, solid name, and that’s why I like him.”

Amy Tregging, a data management consultant from Woking, now claims that she hasn’t watched the news in ‘over a year’ due to her family’s dire financial state.

“Since the 2008 global crash, I’ve found it increasingly hard to keep abreast of current affairs. We can barely afford basic things like raisins in our house these days, so I’ve got a different kind of current affairs occupying my time and money right now.”

Tregging gave us her interview from a makeshift bed in between two bushes containing poison berries. She now works from home.